Lost Men and the Masculinity Crisis: And How Women Can Help

There’s a quiet and growing crisis in the lives of many men—a deep sense of being lost, disconnected, or falling behind in a rapidly shifting world. We see the signs: educational decline, emotional suppression, rising loneliness, and the troubling statistics around male suicide and mental health.

In an episode of The Diary of a CEO, Steven Bartlett and his guests opened up a powerful conversation about the masculinity crisis—an exploration that struck a chord with many. Whether it’s the man we love, the son we raised, or the client we support, we know something isn’t quite right.

Men are hurting. And too often, their pain is met with silence or misunderstanding.

But here’s the truth: women can help—not by rescuing or fixing, but by learning to walk beside men with honesty, compassion, and emotional skill.

Over the past few years, I’ve been walking what I call a middle road in my own personal and spiritual development—one that neither over-accommodates men nor dismisses them. It’s been intentional work. I’ve had to pay close attention to the tendency to fawn or appease the men closest to me, especially when I feared conflict or rejection. But I’ve come to see that fawning isn’t emotionally honest—it creates more distance, not closeness.

This inner work has helped me recognise six key ways women can become part of the healing, not the wounding. And it starts with how we show up.

Hold Compassion Without Collusion

Many of us learned to shrink or soften ourselves to keep the peace with men. We bent ourselves out of shape trying to preserve their comfort, or we went the other way—hardened, cynical, dismissive.

But neither extreme serves us, nor them.

The middle way is about standing in compassionate truth. We can see the wounds men carry— some we unwittingly caused, often unspoken, inherited, or unacknowledged—without enabling harmful patterns.

Reflections & Action Steps:

Recognise when you’re fawning, tiptoeing, or muting yourself. Ask: What am I afraid will happen if I speak my truth?
Remember that being kind doesn’t mean being compliant. Love includes boundaries.
Practice saying: “I see you’re struggling. I’m here, and I believe you have what it takes to face this.”
Extend empathy, but also accountability. That’s the alchemy of real support.

🌱 We don’t need to collude with suffering. We can meet it with strength and care.

Model Emotional Literacy

Women often practise emotional honesty more naturally with each other. But many of us still find it difficult in the presence of male energy, especially if we fear being misunderstood or dismissed.

I notice this in myself. As a therapist, I hold space for emotion with ease. But in personal relationships—particularly outside my marriage—I can still feel tentative, clumsy. Like many of us, I’m learning to express myself more skilfully, without spiralling into self-doubt or shutdown.

Reflections & Action Steps:

Be specific when naming emotions. Go beyond “fine” or “hurt.” Try: “I’m disappointed and disheartened, but still hopeful.”
When he shares something real, resist the urge to analyse or fix. Just say: “Thank you for telling me. That matters.”
Share your emotional process. Let him see the “how,” not just the “what.”
Give yourself permission to get it wrong, repair, and try again.

🌱 Emotional literacy isn’t a destination—it’s a daily practice. And it gets easier with use.

Create Space for Conversation

Many men, like us, long to be genuinely seen but fear getting it wrong or being judged if they open up. And while we may be skilled in our professional roles, emotional honesty in personal life can still feel vulnerable.

I know I am very willing to hold space—it’s second nature in therapy. But with those close to me, especially men, I sometimes stumble. I’m learning not to shy away from these conversations, but to lean into them with humility and heart.

Reflections & Action Steps:

Create “invitation moments.” Say: “I’d really love to know what’s been on your heart lately. No pressure—just whenever you feel ready.”
Remember: silence is not rejection. Men may need time to process.
Don’t take defensiveness personally—it often masks fear or shame.
Be patient. One small moment of openness today can lead to trust tomorrow.

🌱 Every honest question is a seed. Water it with presence, not pressure.

Challenge with Love

Here’s where it gets raw: this is hardest with our sons.

For me, this touches a tender place. My sons are navigating the pressures of manhood in today’s world while carrying a shared history that is sometimes painful. We can trigger each other. We’re all trying to heal. And when there’s past trauma, challenging them—lovingly—requires delicacy and courage.

Reflections & Action Steps:

Lead with love. Then speak the truth. “I know you’re finding your way. I want to support you without walking on eggshells.”
Honour their adult autonomy. Invite reflection, not instruction.
Own your part. Apologise where needed. Say: “I wish I had known then what I know now.”
Be willing to pause if emotions escalate. Time can be a healing ally.

🌱 Sometimes the most profound act of love is daring to speak what’s been unsaid for generations.

Nurture New Role Models

So many men grew up with role models rooted in dominance, suppression, or silence. But a new kind of masculinity is emerging—one that blends strength with softness, presence with purpose.

And we women can be the amplifiers of this new story.

Reflections & Action Steps:

Share stories, films, and books that show healthy masculinity in action.
Tell the men in your life when they’ve demonstrated courage, not just in success but vulnerability.
Raise boys with emotional permission. Let them cry, speak, and reflect.
Celebrate men who are choosing therapy, healing, and growth. They are cultural trailblazers.

🌱 Every man who breaks a generational pattern gives rise to a new future for all of us.

Support Male Healing Spaces

Historically, men’s gatherings have often reinforced sexism and hierarchy. We’ve seen that. But we must not forget that men need men to challenge, hold, and grow each other in life-enhancing, non-harming ways.

The healing of men cannot rest solely on women’s shoulders. But we can support their journey without trying to save them.

This, too, is new ground for women: learning to walk with men, not in front of or behind them.

Reflections & Action Steps:

Recommend or support participation in men’s groups rooted in integrity and transformation.
Reframe male bonding from suspicion to opportunity: “I hope you find something good there.”
Encourage your sons, partners, or clients to connect with other conscious men. Don’t fear their independence.
Speak about male healing with hope, not cynicism.

🌱 Allies, not saviours. And that takes learning new skills, for women too.

Together: A Rising Tide Lifts All Boats

This is not about fixing men. It’s about healing our shared humanity.

It’s about recognising that both genders carry pain and are called to evolve. The new path forward asks us to walk it together, with compassion, courage, and a willingness to keep learning.

Let us become women who see the whole man.
>Mirrors of truth, not masks of fear.
>And rise—and in doing so, lift the world with us.

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