BEYOND SURVIVING LIFE WITH AN ALCOHOLIC Part 1
The Shift from Denial to Awareness
Or as Louise Hay used to say, “You can’t clean the dirt if you can’t see it.”
This is the beginning of a powerful blog post series designed to help you understand the first and most essential step in moving beyond surviving life with an alcoholic: shifting from denial to awareness.
Most people don’t set out to be in a relationship with an alcoholic. At first, their excessive drinking may seem occasional, stress-related, or circumstantial. You might tell yourself, “It’ll pass,” or “They’re just going through a hard time.” Excuse, rationalise, and minimise—because you love them and want the relationship to work.
This is denial.
It’s not weakness. It’s a survival mechanism. Denial helps us cope with what we’re not yet ready to confront. However, denial comes at a cost: your sense of self erodes, reality becomes blurred, and you find yourself trapped in a cycle of false hope and quiet despair.
Eventually, a moment arrives—sometimes sudden, sometimes gradual—when the truth becomes undeniable. This is the shift. You begin to see the relationship for what it truly is: toxic, manipulative, confusing, and harmful. You start to question their behaviour more profoundly: Is he mad? Is he bad? Or is he just profoundly sad? That questioning is the crack in the illusion, the first light of awareness.
In this new light, patterns become visible:
- Gaslighting and confusion
- Cycles of love-bombing followed by withdrawal
- Your own emotional numbing or hypervigilance
- Loss of trust in your instincts
- Feeling like you’re walking on eggshells
- Making yourself smaller to keep the peace
Whether you’ve physically left or are still in the relationship for health, age, financial reasons, or because you share children, this shift is your foundation. The relationship may still be part of your life, but your mind is beginning to disengage from the drama. You are observing instead of absorbing.
That is the first and most vital breakthrough. And that’s what this blog series—and upcoming video series—is here to support: assisting you in moving from powerlessness to clarity, from confusion to courage.
Stay with us.
The following post will examine the emotional toll of remaining in denial and outline how to construct the emotional scaffolding that can lead you to freedom, even if the relationship persists externally.
Most people don’t intentionally set up life with an alcoholic. At first, you may have believed their drinking was temporary, caused by stress, grief, or external pressures. You hoped it would change.
Denial is not weakness; it’s a psychological shield we use to cope with the unbearable. But at some point, something cracks the illusion. Maybe it was a moment of fear, shame, or exhaustion. A realisation dawns: This isn’t about bad luck or a rough patch. This is alcoholism.
This shift from denial to awareness is your first breakthrough. You begin to see the patterns, question the chaos, and ask the big question: Is he mad, bad, or just sad?
Awareness doesn’t mean you can always leave. Some of you watching may still be in the relationship, perhaps due to health, age, finances, or for children’s sake. But this series is for those who, in some way, are choosing to mentally and emotionally step out of the cycle—even if they still have contact.
You may still be dealing with the alcoholic because you share children or circumstances, but this time, you are coming from a place of clarity, strength, and growth.
Invitation to Join:
If you’re ready to move beyond surviving and into a life of thriving, hope, and genuine happiness, this series is for you.
And if you’re looking for support and connection, I invite you to join our free online support group, ‘ Rebuild Your Life’—a safe and empowering space to connect with others on the same journey.
If you feel ready to accelerate your growth and healing with guidance, tools, and accountability, you’re also welcome to join the ‘Rebuild Your Life Coaching Group,’ our paid membership program designed to help you rebuild faster, stronger, and more consciously.
Whatever path you choose, you don’t have to walk it alone. These communities are here for you, every step of the way.
What’s Next?
If you’re ready to move beyond surviving and into a life of thriving, hope, and genuine happiness, this series is for you.
Remember, you’re not alone. Together, step by step, we’ll explore and create a fulfilling life you truly deserve.
It’s time for your new chapter—where you are in charge, living fully, and embracing your future with optimism and strength. Let us begin this journey together.
Welcome to Beyond Surviving Life With An Alcoholic.
You can view my current videos on Life with an Alcoholic on my YouTube channel.
Wondering what to read next? Why not try; I Am Me: Inspired by Virginia Satir
Read the entire series;
BEYOND SURVIVING LIFE WITH AN ALCOHOLIC PARTNER – Part 1
BEYOND SURVIVING LIFE WITH AN ALCOHOLIC PARTNER – Part 2
BEYOND SURVIVING LIFE WITH AN ALCOHOLIC PARTNER – Part 3
BEYOND SURVIVING LIFE WITH AN ALCOHOLIC PARTNER – Part 4
BEYOND SURVIVING LIFE WITH AN ALCOHOLIC PARTNER – Part 5