The Hidden Dangers of the No Contact Movement: A Wake-Up Call for Therapists and Coaches

As therapists and coaches, our mission is to help people live more empowered, self-aware, and connected lives. But what happens when a growing cultural movement encourages our clients to cut ties with family members—sometimes without deep reflection, dialogue, or clarity? We are witnessing an alarming rise in the ideology of “No Contact,” a trend that is spreading rapidly through Reddit threads, TikTok accounts, and online forums. It promises liberation, peace, and personal sovereignty. But as those of us in the field know, quick relief often conceals deeper unresolved pain.

In this article, I want to speak directly to you—fellow therapists, coaches, and wellness professionals—about the shadow side of this movement, and the subtle ways we ourselves can be drawn into its egregoric pull.

From Personal Story to Cultural Script

The “No Contact” movement has grown into a collective consciousness—an egregore, if you will—fuelled by online validation, trauma language, and an almost religious fervour for purity, boundaries, and self-preservation. What might begin as one individual’s justified decision to disengage from abuse quickly morphs into a one-size-fits-all prescription for dealing with difficult family relationships.

Understand me—there are situations where going no contact is necessary, especially in cases of ongoing emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. I’ve supported many clients through such choices. However, the issue is more complicated than simply equating ‘toxic’ with cutting off.

From Clinical Judgment to Ideological Drift

We live in a culture that increasingly defines all discomfort as trauma, all conflict as abuse, and all disagreement as “gaslighting.” As practitioners, we must tread carefully. Here’s what I’m seeing:

Clients self-diagnosing family members as narcissists based on TikTok videos and blog posts, without assessment or context.
“No Contact” decisions are made suddenly, often during highly emotional states or after viewing viral content.
Echo chambers on Reddit and social media are reinforcing narratives of victimhood and validating black-and-white thinking.
Language of “boundaries” and “self-care” is being used not to heal relationships, but to fortify walls of blame.

The danger? We can become complicit, subtly reinforcing estrangement without helping clients explore why, how, and what healing might require.

The Egregore of Estrangement

The concept of an egregore—a shared energetic thoughtform that gains power through collective belief—is helpful here. The No Contact movement has become just that. It now carries:

Its own rituals (e.g., “grey rocking,” “return to sender,” “VLC/NC” acronyms)
Sacred texts (“The Missing Missing Reasons,” Dr. Sherrie Campbell’s books)
Moral dogma (“Toxic is toxic. End of story.”)
Intolerance of dissent (any suggestion of reconciliation is labelled “enabling”)

For vulnerable or distressed clients, this provides clarity and reassurance. But for those on the brink of ambivalence or nuance, it can hinder genuine therapeutic exploration. In our sessions, we must ask ourselves: Am I affirming the client’s deepest truth—or merely endorsing their pain-driven defence?

The Clinical Fallout

Joshua Coleman, a clinical psychologist who has himself experienced estrangement, describes it as “nightmarish.” He has since worked with thousands of parents who’ve been cut off, often with no clear understanding of why. The grief, he says, is “unmournable.”

Likewise, Karl Pillemer’s research shows that adult children often view estrangement as a way to protect their mental health. At the same time, parents are left in states of prolonged agony, frequently still loving their children deeply despite ideological differences. I can personally relate to this heartbreak. My own estrangement from my eldest son is one of the most painful experiences of my life. It has deepened my compassion—not just for myself, but for the many families I’ve worked with professionally over the years. The pain doesn’t just fade with time. It sits in the body like a wound that keeps trying to close, only to be reopened by birthdays, weddings, and Christmas mornings.

When Estrangement is a Trauma Response in Disguise

There is a clinical subtlety here that we must not ignore. Sometimes, going no contact is not empowerment—it’s a trauma response dressed up as empowerment. It is the flight response—fleeing rather than engaging with the complexity, pain, or disappointment of family life.

And here’s the twist: the trauma may not have even originated from the parent being cut off. I’ve long believed that some adult children carry unresolved wounds from pre-verbal and peri-natal experiences—birth trauma, maternal stress in pregnancy, or disrupted early attachment—that are never considered in the family narrative. These wounds are felt but not remembered, and they can become the soil in which blame takes root.

Therapists and coaches must hold a wider field of vision—one that includes what has never been said, what has never been known, and what may never be consciously remembered.

The Professional Ethical Dilemma

As the movement grows, we face an ethical challenge. Are we:

Supporting trauma-informed empowerment?
Or participating in a culture of avoidant individuation?

Are we enhancing our clients’ ability to take responsibility for themselves and relate maturely? Or are we colluding with an ideology that confuses discomfort with danger?

Suppose we rush to side with our client’s story without questioning its origins, nuance, or trajectory. In that case, we risk reducing complex relational dynamics to simplistic binaries: good parent / bad parent, narcissist/empath, victim/perpetrator.

Real healing lives beyond such binaries.

What We Must Do Differently

Stay Curious, Not Convinced
Be a sanctuary for exploration, not a tribunal for judgment.
Differentiate Safety from Preference
Help clients distinguish between feeling uncomfortable and being unsafe.
Track the Origin of the Wound
Gently explore whether the pain they’re attributing to their parents might predate the relationship itself.
Honour Boundaries, But Question Absolutes
Boundaries are beautiful—but permanence, rigidity, and total disconnection should always prompt deeper inquiry.
Hold the Larger Family Field
Use systemic perspectives. Who is carrying what? Who is excluded? What is being repeated?

Final Thoughts: On the Risk of Throwing Away the Key

In some ways, estrangement can be a way of surviving when no other path feels viable. But cutting off a parent or child also risks shutting the door on redemption, on repair, on evolution. As helping professionals, our role is not to pick sides—it is to hold the sacred space where all sides can be seen, where healing is possible, and where love is allowed to surprise us.

So let us not become missionaries for No Contact. Let us become midwives for clarity.

Not everyone can be reconciled.
But everyone deserves the chance to be understood.

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If this resonates with your practice or experience, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Let’s continue the conversation, not to judge but to deepen our collective wisdom on this painful and pressing issue. Feel free to share with others.

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With love and truth,
Grace Chatting