Hi there. Welcome to today’s video, where we’re going to explore an incredibly important but often misunderstood topic: gaslighting. We cover the history of gaslighting, its signs, and how it ties into coercive control. The video provides clear, actionable steps to recognise gaslighting and regain control.
Gaslighting—a subtle and manipulative form of psychological abuse that’s all too common in abusive relationships. If you’re here, you might feel confused, doubting yourself, or wondering if your partner’s behaviour crosses a line. I want you to know that you’re not alone, and by the end of this video, you’ll have a clearer understanding of what gaslighting is, how to recognise it, and what steps you can take to protect yourself.
GASLIGHT THE MOVIE
Before we dive in, let me take a moment to introduce you to the origins of the term “gaslighting.” It comes from a 1944 film called “Gaslight.” It’s an old movie, but its storyline is still highly relevant today, especially for anyone caught in a manipulative or abusive relationship. Let’s take a brief look at what happens in this movie and how it illustrates one of the most insidious forms of emotional abuse.
In the film Gaslight, Gregory systematically manipulates his wife, Paula, into doubting her reality. Gregory does small things, like dimming the gaslights in their home, then denies that the lights are flickering, making Paula believe she’s imagining it. Over time, his constant denial of her experiences makes her question her sanity. He moves objects and accuses her of misplacing them, causing her to lose trust in her perceptions.
This method of psychological manipulation—gradually making someone doubt their reality—became known as gaslighting, and unfortunately, it’s a tactic used in many abusive relationships today.
COERCIVE CONTROL
Gaslighting is a critical element of what we now call coercive control, a form of psychological abuse where the abuser uses manipulation, isolation, and intimidation to dominate and control their partner. Coercive control is often invisible to the outside world, but it can be incredibly destructive to the person experiencing it.
In fact, since 2015, coercive control has been recognised as a criminal offence in the UK. The law acknowledges that abuse is not only physical—it can be emotional and psychological, too. Coercive control often includes gaslighting as a tactic to break down your confidence, make you dependent on the abuser, and ensure you feel powerless to leave.
Signs of Gaslighting in a Relationship
So, how do you know if you’re being gaslighted? The signs can sometimes be subtle at first, but they become more apparent over time. Let’s review some of the critical indicators of gaslighting so you can start recognising whether this is happening to you.
- You Constantly Doubt Your Perceptions:
- One of the giant red flags of gaslighting is when you start doubting your own experiences. Maybe you know something happened a certain way, but your partner insists it didn’t—or they tell you that you’re remembering it wrong or overreacting. Eventually, you question whether you can trust your memory or perception.
- You Feel Confused or “Crazy”:
- If you often feel like you’re losing your grip on reality, it might be because your partner deliberately creates confusion. This tactic makes you feel unstable, so you become more dependent on them for validation and security.
- They Deny or Downplay Your Feelings:
- A gas lighter often dismisses your feelings, telling you you’re being too sensitive, overemotional, or dramatic. This constant invalidation makes you question whether your emotional reactions are even legitimate.
- They Twist Facts or Shift Blame:
- Gas lighters are masters of deflecting responsibility. If you confront them about something hurtful they’ve done, they’ll either deny it outright or twist the facts to make it seem like it’s your fault. Over time, you start blaming yourself for everything.
- You Find Yourself Apologizing Constantly:
- Because gaslighting makes you doubt yourself, you might find that you’re the one apologising for things you didn’t even do. You start believing that you’re always in the wrong, even when the situation points to your partner’s abusive behaviour.
- You Feel Isolated from Friends and Family:
- Gaslighting often goes together with isolation. Your abuser might convince you that other people don’t care about you or that they’re the only person you can rely on. This drives a wedge between you and your support system, making it harder to reach out for help or validation.
How to Recognize Gaslighting in Your Relationship
Recognising gaslighting isn’t easy, especially when you’ve been subjected to it for a long time. But there are some critical questions you can ask yourself to start getting clarity:
- Am I constantly second-guessing myself?
- Do you find yourself questioning your memory or perception of events? This is one of the most evident signs that gaslighting is happening.
- Does my partner dismiss my feelings or tell me that I’m overreacting?
- If you’re constantly being told that your emotions aren’t valid, this might be your partner gaslighting you.
- Do I feel like everything is my fault?
- Gaslighting often shifts blame onto you, making you feel responsible for things that aren’t your fault. If you’re always the one apologising, it’s worth examining why.
- Do I feel like I’m losing touch with reality?
- If you feel constantly confused, anxious, or unable to trust your own mind, this could be the result of sustained gaslighting.
- Have I stopped reaching out to others for support?
- If you’ve become more isolated from friends or family, or if your partner has convinced you that others don’t understand you, this could be part of a larger pattern of coercive control.
What Can You Do If You’re Being Gaslighted?
Host: What can you do if you realise you’re being gaslighted?
- Trust Your Gut:
- If something feels off, trust that instinct. Gaslighting is designed to make you doubt yourself, but you know when something isn’t right.
- Document the Facts:
- Keep a journal where you write down specific incidents—what happened, what was said, and how you felt. This can help you see the patterns more clearly and validate your experiences.
- Reach Out for Support:
- Don’t let isolation keep you trapped. Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or professional. Sometimes, hearing someone else’s perspective can help break the spell of gaslighting.
- Set Boundaries:
- Once you recognise the gaslighting behaviour, try setting boundaries with your partner. If they continue to dismiss or invalidate your feelings, it may be time to seek professional help or explore ways to exit the relationship safely.
- Consider Professional Help:
- Gaslighting can take a severe toll on your mental health, so it’s essential to seek help from a therapist or counsellor who can support you in rebuilding your self-trust and navigating a safe exit from the relationship.
Coercive Control is a Criminal Offence
It’s important to know that coercive control, including gaslighting, is now recognised as a criminal offence in the UK as of 2015. The law understands that abuse doesn’t have to be physical to be harmful—it can be emotional and psychological, too. If you feel like you’re experiencing coercive control, you have rights, and there are resources available to help you.
Take Back Control
Gaslighting is a powerful tool of manipulation, but it’s not insurmountable. By recognising the signs, trusting your experience, and seeking support, you can break free from the confusion and regain control over your life.
Remember, you are not alone in this. Help is available, and you deserve to live a life where your feelings and experiences are validated and respected.
resources
Host: If you or someone you know is experiencing gaslighting or any form of abuse, I encourage you to reach out for help. Check the links below for resources and support services to guide you through this difficult time.
Thank you so much for watching. Stay safe, trust yourself, and remember—you are stronger than you think.
End of Video
This script covers the history of gaslighting, its signs, and how it ties into coercive control. It provides clear, actionable steps for viewers to recognise gaslighting and regain control.